We sat in the tub with the clean water running, heat and fluid surrounding. It wasn't an ordinary bath and did not carry with it the joy that usually ensues when I fill the tub. We were both terrified. What was coming next? I will admit, my intrepidation almost that of when I had my first child. I just had no idea what would be hiding under that thin sheet all we could see was dried blood. When the port went in I was in such a state of shock I am sure that I must have changed the dressing numerous times, but as with many labors the memory is gone. We both knew it had to happen. This wouldn't be a party, but once again we'd do it together and in my heart I would hurt her again. It was painful, but we pushed cancer one more step behind us. For 15 minutes we worked in the tub; she was exhausted already and I was such a coward. 
My inner voice said, "She's too scared..take a break...get out." We'd have to get out. In my heart, "Please God let this get easier, I am not sure I can do this.". Inner voice again,"Yes you can." To the bed, our family bed, we went and locked the door.
Alone in the room.
Miraculously, I found one adhesive removal pad . This is like a tiny alcohol pad that contains some magical orange smelling oil that makes taking off tegaderm so much easier. "Thank you,Thank you God!" we finally caught a break. The rest of the process went smoothly. Normally it takes at least a couple of these pads to do the trick, but the universe was gracious and extended the oil in that little pad for us on, and on, and on.
Finally the bandage came off and so did the lock on my heart: happiness, joy, amazement, nausea that our ordeal is over. IT IS OVER. I won't have to pull another damn (feel free to insert any profanity you see fits) dressing off or poison my daughter with the life saving toxic chemotherapy again . There will be more pokes, more mountains, more tests, long-term late effects...but the experience and device that solidified my daughters cancer was real is gone.
Abby's port now lives in a jar above our stove and not in her body. I felt so angry at the stupid little piece of plastic the entire time it was in her body...
She's such a champion.
My advice. 
Feel Good. Be Happy and Carry Your Children with all the love that you have inside of you no matter what battle comes.
Blessings
K.
